She Says

I’m naturally a very ambitious person. But I’ve never had things easy for me. To make my life harder, I’m also a lazy person. So inside my brain is a big psychotic chaos 16 hours a day. For the rest of 8 hrs, I’m sound asleep so it’s all good. I’ll be laying in bed and thinking about all the things I want to achieve or do but- I’m still in my bed. Why is it so hard for my brain and body to coordinate? Doesn’t the brain control the movements of our body? So I promised myself I’ll be more active this year. I even got myself a monthly planner to keep myself accountable (spoiler alert: that didn’t work).

On the first day of the month, I promised myself to maintain a disciplined and healthy lifestyle, ready to be the ‘it girl’. I jotted down three goals I wanted to achieve for the month-

• Take lessons on google ads and get the certification
• Finish the second book of the ‘Shiva Trilogy’ by Amish: The Secret of the Nagas
• Improve my skill-set as a digital marketer

To be fair, these are pretty reasonable and realistic goals. So I wasn’t being delusional. The first week had a slow start because I had a number of social obligations to go through with. Somehow, the second week was just as slow and uneventful. I haven’t even started with the google ads lessons or anything remotely productive. On one of those days, my brother sent me a LinkedIn post related to digital marketing and how I can create a portfolio for myself. That was kind of like the lightning bulb moment for me. I said screw it and started to work for the blog- I made the website, the logo, decide on the type of content I wanted to put out, made an email account, interest account and finally bought a domain for it. It was all so exciting, so thrilling. I was so content and happy for those 4-5 days.

Midway through the second week my sister was ‘summoned’ to her college. She was the only social life I had back home. 😭 So most of my third week was unproductive except I tried to spend time with my sister. The day I dropped off my sister at the airport, I was adamant that I’m going to work hard on my blog and do my best in everything because I didn’t wanna be a sloth. I’ve already invested my time, energy and money for this blog and no way am I going to let it go to waste. Fast forward to three days after that burst of motivation, I was still in bed binging k-dramas, scrolling through reels and wasting my days. I was stuck in a rut. Every morning I woke up determined and my mind was full of to-do lists but my body refused to cooperate. I could not get a single thing done and it was so frustrating because it wasn’t like I was resting or letting my body and mind be at ease. My mind was a turmoil loaded with guilt, hopelessness, anxiety and shame. If you think about it, the issue was as trivial as ‘not completing my goals for the month’. But it brewed a storm up in my mind. Do you guys get it? Have you been through this before?

Towards the end of the third week, I tried to pull myself together. I did put an effort to start working and being active overall. I made posters for Instagram, planned content, wrote a blog but it still felt like I should be getting more things done. Things were going slower than I expected and that really demotivated me. I did finish the second book of the ‘Shiva Trilogy by Amish. (It was awesome btw. I’ll be reading the last book of the series. Let me know if you want a review)

Today is the last day of February month and I’ve been doing better for the past 3-4 days. I would like to say that I got out of the ‘rut’ but I guess only time will tell. Now, the real question is how did I try to get back from my ‘couch-potato’ phase? Here are some things I tried that worked for me:

• The first thing I did was get a pen and paper and just write down whatever comes to my mind- any worries, tasks, questions.
• Once my brain felt decluttered, I tried to sort through that pile of ‘words’ and sorted things that I could work on and things that were out of my control.
• Every morning I try to list 5 things that I need to do, no matter how trivial it is.
• I make sure to have a balanced to-do list so that it is achievable. I can’t be doing two time-consuming things at once. Even though it’s tempting, I put it off for the next day. Make it as realistic as you can because no one knows you better than you do.
• I share my to-do with my sister so that we can keep each other accountable. (You can try this with your friend, family or anyone you feel comfortable with)
• Take enough rest so that this doesn’t become a chore and backfire ( we don’t want that 👀)

I hope these points provide some food for thought. The third month of the year is on its way and so is spring. I’m hopeful that March will be a better month with better accomplishments, mental health and physical health. Can we manifest that? I hope you had a beautiful February. If not, March can always be your month! 😊 You just have to start, rest all will fall into place.

To end this blog here’s a very random photo dump from my gallery.❤️